Where Do We Go From Here?

Hi! I want to share a bit more with y'all about what's happened on my journey with anxiety since being diagnosed. If you haven't read about how I got there yet, be sure to check out my post directly before this, titled "And So It Begins".

When I was initially informed that I had anxiety, I was a little taken aback because I would not have described how I was feeling as anxious or nervous or anything of the sorts. All of my symptoms felt physical, not mental. However, the doctors and my family were able to help me cope with it in ways that were unique to my situation and the struggles I was facing. There are three solutions I can distinctly remember about this first phase post-diagnosis.

The biggest challenge was that I was feeling physically ill every morning, so much so that I didn't feel I could go to school. Because of this, I was written a note excusing me from about the first 15-30 minutes of my first class. For whatever reason, allowing me that flexibility to come into school and into class at a moment when others weren't - and knowing that if my stomach felt like it wanted to part ways with the breakfast I had eaten, that it was okay to take a minute and relax - helped me immensely. Looking back now, even to me (the same human as that 12 year old girl) it seems like that would be more stressful! Walking in late to a class that had already started and fearing everyone staring at me? No thanks! But at least this semester, it was gym class and people were scattered about and distracted by whatever activity we were doing that day. I will also say, missing the beginning of the school day every day is not necessarily a perfect permanent fix, but it was certainly better than me sitting out the entire school day and ultimately ended up helping me get to a better place.

On top of that, the doctors suggested that I take a medication you wouldn't expect. And I know that because everyone I have told has been surprised and maybe a bit confused at first. But I also preface this with - it worked! It being Prilosec. Yes, Prilosec. Prilosec, which is meant to help with heartburn and reflux. But with the symptoms I was facing, they proposed that taking this daily would help reduce my amount of stomach acid and therefore my tendencies of getting sick every morning. They were right. I took it once a day and it truly helped me so much. I ended up taking this daily for years and at some point was able to go back to school (at the normal start time) without feeling sick. With this, I would still feel anxiety creeping in for big events like a school dance, party, or hanging out with some cute boy I had a crush on at the time, but I was able to go back to living every day life without too much of a problem.

The third pillar to this healing trifecta was, you guessed it, therapy. I had been to counseling sessions a few times prior to this, but was not regularly in therapy until this point. I remember talking on a couch about my life and my feelings and I also remember what seemed like playing Pac-Man with my brain. The therapist hooked all these electrodes to my head and I was asked to control something very similar to a video game by clenching and relaxing muscles in my face. To be honest, that's about all I remember of therapy. I am not positive for how long I went, but this was during my junior high years and I believe I had stopped going by the time I reached high school.

I am sure that my story up until this point, and from this point up until my current day life, may look very different from others' that struggles with anxiety. We're all unique and have been through different situations with different bodies that process things in different ways. Ultimately, my family and the medical team listening to how I felt and being willing and able to find remedies that were specific to me were my biggest advantages.

Since the beginning of high school, I've had highs and lows. Periods where I was affected more so by anxiety and depression and some where I've felt less impacted. I've tried different medications and a myriad of other coping mechanisms and sometime soon, I look forward to sharing these with you as well. :) Stay tuned and thank you SO MUCH for being here!

With love,

Haley